Letters to crushes.
Adorable boy,
I have this daydream where you’ll help me in something school related, and you’ll pretty much save my academic life, and it will be a success. And I’ll tell you that I love you so much at that moment, and you’ll think that I’m just saying that because you helped me, but I’ll really mean it in more than one way. And then I’ll buy you ice cream and tell you how amazing you are. And then I’ll kiss you and you’ll kiss me back, and you’ll taste of chocolate chip cookie dough.
I must say, it’s a rather sweet daydream. Sweeter than that ice cream in my fridge.
I think you should help me turn this fantasy into reality.
Smart girl,
I want to learn to paint so I can paint for you.
I want to learn to sing so I can sing for you.
I want to learn to write songs so they can be about you.
I want to hold art in my hand and control it just so I can create visual metaphors for your beauty.
For now, I will just write to you. We stare at paintings together in museums to find their meanings, and I wish I knew the meaning of us.
Do you think we’ll ever be in a painting? Do you think I will have painted it? I hope that some day you know this is how I feel. Until then, my brain creates hypothetical songs and watercolors for you.
Dear Self,
You’re going to be fine.
Sure you’re a little moody, and a little crazy, and a little unsure of everything you want.
(Being honest, who isn’t?) But you’re fine.
The answers will come. You will understand what you’re supposed to be doing.
You’ll find someone to love. And you’ll figure it out eventually.
You will, and you know it.
In the meantime, keep smiling.
Love, Self
