Selinium.

I need a change, a big fucking change. I can't go on like this anymore, I don't want to. I'm so tired, so overly tired I can't sleep. My head is a blank heap of mess. When I do come across a thought or a feeling, it's all about me. I never think of anyone else anymore. I don't think I can. People shouldn't have to remind me that my brother is struggling with his life right now, I just saw him the other day, and I didn't think anything of it. I said hello and left. Like every other time. I went to say hi to dad, like I do occasionally, quite often I think. Not enough he says. Three days, four, five or maybe, sometimes even seven always turns into months in his head. I'm never enough, I get that. I really do, and I agree. It just doesn't help to keep pushing it in my face, to hear what a dissappointment I am. That I can't even keep in touch with my relatives, that they miss me, but they never call either. I don't get it, I don't feel the love. I don't' feel anything at all these days. I'm so incredibly disappointed in life, in me. I'm not even here anymore, and I don't know where I've gone. I'm lost.

I never realized it was all in my head

how ridiculous it must seem, running around in the dark

looking for something that isn't there

It was never there..