lightning in the dark of night.
And as the time passes and daytime turns to night,
my words start to flow and they've never been more truthful.
my words start to flow and they've never been more truthful.
Utkast: Juni 24, 2012
But what do you do when you can't fake it anymore?
When you're out of smiles and fake laughter? What then?
I just don't know what to do anymore.
People deserve better than what little I have to give.
I'm all out. And I don't even know why.
When you're out of smiles and fake laughter? What then?
I just don't know what to do anymore.
People deserve better than what little I have to give.
I'm all out. And I don't even know why.
You are beautiful.
Sister. I wish I could make you happy.
I wish I could be all that you want. I wish I'd be half the person you seem to think I am.
You deserve that, and more. I wish I could be the kind of friend you are to me.
I wish I could be happy, and smile, and live my life just so you could live yours.
I know I pull you and everyone around, down with me.
I wish I could give you so much more than just me, what I am.
Because what I am is broken, and you, you are beautiful.
I wish I could be all that you want. I wish I'd be half the person you seem to think I am.
You deserve that, and more. I wish I could be the kind of friend you are to me.
I wish I could be happy, and smile, and live my life just so you could live yours.
I know I pull you and everyone around, down with me.
I wish I could give you so much more than just me, what I am.
Because what I am is broken, and you, you are beautiful.
The worst thing is to remember a time when you could smile.
I wonder if my depression turns people away.
I wonder if they see the sadness that's constant in my eyes.
If they themselves wonder what's making me so heavyhearted.
I've known people over the years, but none of them have stuck with me.
I know it's on me. I've mentally pushed them aside. I put my sadness over their happiness.
I suppose that's not okay in a friendship, but I really can't help it.
It's not easy being sad all the time. It's hard not smiling, laughing.
And it's not like there's an easy fix all the time. People just like to believe so.
Depression for me, means being so utterly and completely sad, and alone, and hopeless,
that you forget what brought the sadness on in the first place.
It's not just one thing, it's all things. Things that make you remember things you once forgot.
Things that once made you happy, because, the worst thing is to remember a time when you could smile.
So you just don't, you repress it. You push it aside like everything else.
Depression for me, is being sad for as long as you can remember.
Smiling when your family is looking, and turning away when the tears start to show.
It's not easy not being able to be happy for the ones you love.
Because they deserve better. But the depression gets in the way for what you want, it decides for you.
I wonder if they see the sadness that's constant in my eyes.
If they themselves wonder what's making me so heavyhearted.
I've known people over the years, but none of them have stuck with me.
I know it's on me. I've mentally pushed them aside. I put my sadness over their happiness.
I suppose that's not okay in a friendship, but I really can't help it.
It's not easy being sad all the time. It's hard not smiling, laughing.
And it's not like there's an easy fix all the time. People just like to believe so.
Depression for me, means being so utterly and completely sad, and alone, and hopeless,
that you forget what brought the sadness on in the first place.
It's not just one thing, it's all things. Things that make you remember things you once forgot.
Things that once made you happy, because, the worst thing is to remember a time when you could smile.
So you just don't, you repress it. You push it aside like everything else.
Depression for me, is being sad for as long as you can remember.
Smiling when your family is looking, and turning away when the tears start to show.
It's not easy not being able to be happy for the ones you love.
Because they deserve better. But the depression gets in the way for what you want, it decides for you.
My head is a dark, dark place.
My head is a dark, dark place.
It does not come in cycles anymore, like it did before.
For a time, at least.
Pain is all I have left. It's my constant companion. He never leaves my side.
Always lurking around the corner while I scrunch in a quick laugh or two.
And I stand there, always watching my back, 'cause i know he's there,
just waiting for the darkness to force itself into the cracks of my very fragile soul.
My constant shadow. Lover, friend and my very own stalker.
He's the one thing I can count on. I just can't seem to shake him.
It's like I'm at the beginning again, you know.
Have I started all over again?
It does not come in cycles anymore, like it did before.
For a time, at least.
Pain is all I have left. It's my constant companion. He never leaves my side.
Always lurking around the corner while I scrunch in a quick laugh or two.
And I stand there, always watching my back, 'cause i know he's there,
just waiting for the darkness to force itself into the cracks of my very fragile soul.
My constant shadow. Lover, friend and my very own stalker.
He's the one thing I can count on. I just can't seem to shake him.
It's like I'm at the beginning again, you know.
Have I started all over again?
